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Controlling Responses January 11, 2011

Posted by izzyholt in Self Help.
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So often there are people who go through life without really understanding why they lash out to others and can’t seem to control their responses..   They think somehow, their actions are legitimate based upon what they feel, not whether it is right or wrong. They are angry with themselves and take it out on everybody else.   They do not care how their actions are perceived by others, nor if they are liked by others.  They are simply out of tune to real life; even their own.  They sometimes have a tendency to blame their behaviors on other people’s problems; it is never their own.  They do not have problems; they simply tell it like it is and say what is right (right for them, not others), when they want and regardless of whom they are speaking with.

 These people are in need of self-control and the ability to understand themself and their actions.  They inability to control how they respond to others; indicates they have problems within themselves. They do not understand who they are or why they behave as they do, obviously.  Why?  Most of us know that the words we speak define who we are.  They tell more about us sometimes than our actions; even though actions speak louder than words, they say.  If we speak harsh, disrespectful words to others; we will be judged as being without self-control, inconsiderate, spiteful, a lunatic and without respect for other humans.  It is relevant to say; that is exactly the truth.  There is a time to speak your mind and there is a time to bite your tongue and when one is dealing with any other soul; it is a time to bite the tongue regardless of the situation.

Problems can’t be resolved with angry statements or responses.  No battles are won by being out of control and responding with inappropriate language.  It is not becoming to anyone.  It is not acceptable behavior.  When we learn to control our responses; it means we have become aware that our words can heal or kill.  Kind words never die, but harsh words live forever.  If we think about it; we can probably all think of something that has been said to us in the past that cut to the bone.  A child for instance can be told that they are stupid because they broke something that was important to someone.  They can be told they are not responsible and will never be because they can’t clean their room.  These words should be deleted from the parent’s vocabulary.   The one who is irresponsible is the one who is dishing out uncontrolled responses. 

When a person can’t control their responses to other people and lash out with ugly words and anger then, it is time to take a look at why.  It is usually not the other individual, especially if it happens frequently.  Usually it is from within and when it is from within, it is time to try to understand ourself better and start our personal growth project.  If that doesn’t work; then it might be time for professional help. 

**Note:  This is not considered the voice of a professional.  This is considered self-help.  These words are written to help those who want to help themselves in becoming more aware of how they respond to others.

Emotional Intelligence January 11, 2011

Posted by izzyholt in Motivation, Self Help.
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If we only knew the best way to handle all situations in our life; our life would be much more satisfying and we certainly would be known as having a bit of emotional intelligence.  With that said, sadly, we do not know all there is to know about being able to master all things; period, but if we choose we can teach ourselves to be better equipped to handle stressed situations more proficiently and without chaos.

There are however, many people who are as calm as a cucumber in heated events in the workplace and elsewhere.  They simply do not get alarmed, scream and yell or throw up their hand and start blaming; when something goes wrong.  These are the people who seem to know that the best way to handle a stressful situation is to remain, coherent, and in tune with how to resolve the issue.  It seems they have taught themselves that getting upset and pounding on a co-worker or employee, is absolutely out of line and doesn’t resolve anything.  They know that their behavior sets the tone for the entire group, and if they are calm and show resolve; others will also.  This indicates these minority of people, basically are in the know how of managing people; they know that being a leader requires one to be just that,  a leader. 

Emotional Intelligence can be explained this way:   A person who has figured out who they are.  They are not out to prove who they are or what they know.  They have simply mastered their own personal abilities of controlling their emotions and realize their emotions will affect those around them.  Therefore they know how to manage people well. They have mastered their ability to gain respect, confidence and co-operation from their constituents because they stay in full control, most of the time.   

Remember we said, no one knows how to handle all situations, and for the most part, they do not, but some can master this more than others.  We can know all their is to know about our profession but if we do not know how to relate to other individuals on the basis of care and consideration;  we have missed the boat.  When people look at how we react to any situation; they judge us.  If we cry, they say we are weak.  If we throw tantrums, we are unstable.  If we are calm, cool, sincere and collected; we are named as being in control and someone who is in charge of who we are.

Having Emotional Intelligence, means that we pay attention and are able to spot other peoples needs, not just our own.  Being in control gives one power.  Power to listent to what is being said, not just by words, but in actions as well.  Some people who have not yet gained their personal worth, may feel inadequate about speaking out about how they feel about an issue.  Their actions actually protray what they do not say; some times.  In other words; a person who is quiet all the time, never voices their opinion is usually self conscious.   That does not mean they do not have a worthy opinion, but it can means they do not feel comfortable in the crowd they are in to voice it.  The Emotionally Intelligent Manager, can spot this and bring out that knowledge that is locked up and help both the company and the employee.

This is real leadership and not just management.  Being emotionally intelligent is growing in all facets of emloyment.