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Controlling Responses January 11, 2011

Posted by izzyholt in Self Help.
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So often there are people who go through life without really understanding why they lash out to others and can’t seem to control their responses..   They think somehow, their actions are legitimate based upon what they feel, not whether it is right or wrong. They are angry with themselves and take it out on everybody else.   They do not care how their actions are perceived by others, nor if they are liked by others.  They are simply out of tune to real life; even their own.  They sometimes have a tendency to blame their behaviors on other people’s problems; it is never their own.  They do not have problems; they simply tell it like it is and say what is right (right for them, not others), when they want and regardless of whom they are speaking with.

 These people are in need of self-control and the ability to understand themself and their actions.  They inability to control how they respond to others; indicates they have problems within themselves. They do not understand who they are or why they behave as they do, obviously.  Why?  Most of us know that the words we speak define who we are.  They tell more about us sometimes than our actions; even though actions speak louder than words, they say.  If we speak harsh, disrespectful words to others; we will be judged as being without self-control, inconsiderate, spiteful, a lunatic and without respect for other humans.  It is relevant to say; that is exactly the truth.  There is a time to speak your mind and there is a time to bite your tongue and when one is dealing with any other soul; it is a time to bite the tongue regardless of the situation.

Problems can’t be resolved with angry statements or responses.  No battles are won by being out of control and responding with inappropriate language.  It is not becoming to anyone.  It is not acceptable behavior.  When we learn to control our responses; it means we have become aware that our words can heal or kill.  Kind words never die, but harsh words live forever.  If we think about it; we can probably all think of something that has been said to us in the past that cut to the bone.  A child for instance can be told that they are stupid because they broke something that was important to someone.  They can be told they are not responsible and will never be because they can’t clean their room.  These words should be deleted from the parent’s vocabulary.   The one who is irresponsible is the one who is dishing out uncontrolled responses. 

When a person can’t control their responses to other people and lash out with ugly words and anger then, it is time to take a look at why.  It is usually not the other individual, especially if it happens frequently.  Usually it is from within and when it is from within, it is time to try to understand ourself better and start our personal growth project.  If that doesn’t work; then it might be time for professional help. 

**Note:  This is not considered the voice of a professional.  This is considered self-help.  These words are written to help those who want to help themselves in becoming more aware of how they respond to others.


Emotional Intelligence January 11, 2011

Posted by izzyholt in Motivation, Self Help.
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If we only knew the best way to handle all situations in our life; our life would be much more satisfying and we certainly would be known as having a bit of emotional intelligence.  With that said, sadly, we do not know all there is to know about being able to master all things; period, but if we choose we can teach ourselves to be better equipped to handle stressed situations more proficiently and without chaos.

There are however, many people who are as calm as a cucumber in heated events in the workplace and elsewhere.  They simply do not get alarmed, scream and yell or throw up their hand and start blaming; when something goes wrong.  These are the people who seem to know that the best way to handle a stressful situation is to remain, coherent, and in tune with how to resolve the issue.  It seems they have taught themselves that getting upset and pounding on a co-worker or employee, is absolutely out of line and doesn’t resolve anything.  They know that their behavior sets the tone for the entire group, and if they are calm and show resolve; others will also.  This indicates these minority of people, basically are in the know how of managing people; they know that being a leader requires one to be just that,  a leader. 

Emotional Intelligence can be explained this way:   A person who has figured out who they are.  They are not out to prove who they are or what they know.  They have simply mastered their own personal abilities of controlling their emotions and realize their emotions will affect those around them.  Therefore they know how to manage people well. They have mastered their ability to gain respect, confidence and co-operation from their constituents because they stay in full control, most of the time.   

Remember we said, no one knows how to handle all situations, and for the most part, they do not, but some can master this more than others.  We can know all their is to know about our profession but if we do not know how to relate to other individuals on the basis of care and consideration;  we have missed the boat.  When people look at how we react to any situation; they judge us.  If we cry, they say we are weak.  If we throw tantrums, we are unstable.  If we are calm, cool, sincere and collected; we are named as being in control and someone who is in charge of who we are.

Having Emotional Intelligence, means that we pay attention and are able to spot other peoples needs, not just our own.  Being in control gives one power.  Power to listent to what is being said, not just by words, but in actions as well.  Some people who have not yet gained their personal worth, may feel inadequate about speaking out about how they feel about an issue.  Their actions actually protray what they do not say; some times.  In other words; a person who is quiet all the time, never voices their opinion is usually self conscious.   That does not mean they do not have a worthy opinion, but it can means they do not feel comfortable in the crowd they are in to voice it.  The Emotionally Intelligent Manager, can spot this and bring out that knowledge that is locked up and help both the company and the employee.

This is real leadership and not just management.  Being emotionally intelligent is growing in all facets of emloyment.

Success Means Accepting Responsibility For Our Actions September 28, 2010

Posted by izzyholt in Self Help.
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It appears from reading a lot about Success and life in general and studying some of the most important issues with regard to how we achieve the best possible results in life;  one of the most important aspects of life is being able to take responsibility for our actions.

Not any human likes to admit they have screwed up or made a mistake but mistakes and screw ups are a part of everyday life.  This is how we learn and grow and become better individuals.  We are not perfect, will never be and that is a fact of life.  But, if we are to further our knowledge of living life better our first step is in making our mistakes and then accepting the consequencies that come after the mistake.

When we do something wonderful; it is such a great feeling to hear the praise for our accomplishments.  It is like a fresh slow rain when it has been so hot and dry.  We thrive on feeling good and hate the affects of bad decisions and failures so we want to push the blame to something or someone else.  This is actually easier to do than what you think; we are human and do not like to accept the not so good feelings that comes from not listening to our heart.  A lost of times our mistakes and trials come after we failed to heed our inner spirit telling us not to do something.  Learning to listen to our inner self (our spiritual self) and knowing that most of the times if we feel a nagging sensation that something is not right; we should listen.  What happens sometimes is we think we can pull it off anyway.

Accepting responsibility for our actions is something we learn as a child or should have but, when we become adults we still want to blame Jimmy because it is easy.  It makes it seem less important.  If we blame someone else it means that we haven’t learned that accepting the results of what we did incorrectly will help us not make the same mistakes again.  We live and learn…that is part of life in general.  If we never made a mistake or bad decision; how would be grow to be wiser and stronger?  Not anyone will always make the right decisions in life.  Yes, some decisions cost us much pain and can affect our life, seemingly for a very long time.  If we are to overcome our bad decisions; we shake ourselves, stand tall and simply say, I screwed up.   I can’t change the outcome of this situation but I can change today and tomorrow if it comes. 

Being conscious of our past is not always bad but one cannot dwell on the past to the extent of not being able to make future choices.  Fear will keep us from living.  We have to first take the responsibility, deal with the consequencies and then move forward.  We learn how to make wiser decisions, listen to our heart and remember that it is our own actions that determines the outcome.

Life Success January 11, 2010

Posted by izzyholt in Motivation, Self Help.
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Life is life and you just have to deal with it.  How many times have you heard this statement about Life Success?  I am sure we could all answer, many times.  My guess is that when we hear this kind of statement, it is because we have been handed a disappointment of some kind within our life that is making things complicated. We have somehow encountered something in our “life”, our efforts to live our life, like we need to, a stumbling block maybe, but at any rate something which disrupted our vision.  We need a vision for our life if we are to work appropriately toward the end results.

All of us know that “Life” is life…we have bridges to cross, mountains to climb and pursuits we call mistakes.  If we did not have these kinds of things in our life on our path through “Life” and in our endeavors to what we call “Life Success”, how could be feel a sense of accomplishment?  We could not, because even before we stated on our journey, we knew we would have to untake disappointments, roads less traveled and those things we call after thoughts or should I just say; mistakes.  We have a journey that is ours alone.

Life Success is many things to all of us and “life” itself is something we could write a book about and putting the two together, gives us much to think about.  This thing call “Life” is not prejudice to anyone.  We can all become what we want to, if we work at it and if we are disabled in anyway.  We have a mind to learn and a spirit to guide us to where we see fit.  First things first; “Life” is not a game, playing with “Life” is what causes so many people, I think to feel they have failed.  Our Life Success is no different.  If our performance is poor, we will only have poor results and Success -Through our Performance  is how it is all measured. I realize that a lot of people have fun while they live and work on their Success; nothing wrong with living life to the fullest and having fun.  There are certain rules we must  follow to accomplish certain desires and one of the first is having a clear vision of what where we are headed. 

A clean vision means that we have our priorities in order, we know or think we know what we need to make us feel the end result of accomplishment in our life.  It seems that those who have a loving family know that to be successful, they must first fulfill the needs of their family.  It just doesn’t work any other way…No Life Success is worth losing something as important as their family.  Secondly, most Life Success individuals have “self awareness”, they know who they are and do not allow someone else to dictate how they should view life.  They do not lower their values or their integrity for anyone or anything.  The facts are the facts, the rules are the rules and bending the rule usually brings about undesirable consequencies.   Thirdly, Life Success people know that they can produce a better end result with letting others help them and that their knowledge can be made even more potent by utilizing other people’s experience also. Not any of us know all their is to know…or we would be genius…and not many of us are.

I have watched a lot of Life Success people in my career and usually you find those that stand out the most are those that enjoy promoting and giving credit where credit is due.  They do not seek all of the attention for themselves, but they enjoy making others feel good about their accomplishments as well as their own.  It is really not all that hard to do.  Most people are struggling with something.  Most people try to do a good job, so therefore giving someone acknowledgement of a job well done only takes a few words and can mean so much.  When we see people who can give others encouragement we know they possess a character that shines.

Life Success is free for all, with motivation, endurance and determination.  If we let our inner spirit give us the right directions in the process.  No other individual owes us anything but respect, we owe others nothing but respect.  It is up to us to act respectful and build our life on principles of trust, integrity and high values.  When we lower our standard to become Successful, we endanger everything that represents true “Life Success”.

Success-In This Troubled Time December 24, 2009

Posted by izzyholt in Self Help.
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It seems like a bad time to be writing about success In this Troubled Time in America.  With so much chaos within the Senate and House with the people who are supposed to know what they are doing and the people who are supposed to be in control, are losing their ability to lead, it is quite scary.  It is worse than school children going back and forth and it behoves us to worry, I think.  It seems to me that one party in particular has literally lost their mind and are sleeping through this whole Health Care Reform.  They are definitely not strong individuals, as they were voted to be; because they are being bought out and do not have the guts to stand up and say that this bill is too expensive for our Country.  They are pushing for a cause, but I do not believe that it is a cause that is best for our Country due to the deficit we are already in.  When it gets as nasty as it has been just this week, it makes me know something bad is wrong and the people who deny that this is not for the best interest of the people are fooling themselves.  The people who work and work hard are going to pay for this bill…just wait and see.  I am neither a Democrat or Republican but I am wise enough to know when the debt is too much for our Country to ever come out of, if we aren’t careful. Listening to the news downright makes one sick to the stomach and this, I fear has nothing to do with success for the people.

Having said that for those who have a job, a family and a life, I hope you are finding ways to still be Successful with hope in your hearts that all of this will soon be over and our Country will get back on its feet.  I believe this can be an example of what Success is really not about.  It is a shame that the two parties cannot come together like adults and work out a compromise of equally good things to pass on Health Care.

It is equally sad for the families left behind while some great sons and daughters fight for freedom in our Country and some of them have their life on hold waiting again for Success in Iraq and other places of war.  Yes, it is hard for the poor people who have lost their homes and jobs to think about Success when they are really just trying to survive.  I am not immune to all of these feeling and when I write about these things, it is in hopes that it will give those who are lacking jobs and a home to live in..keep pushing with hope that things will change, this Country will some day be out of a war and our economy will be stable again.